Useless Baseball Facts Kicking Around In My Head

I’ve always been a baseball fan.

Well actually, it wasn’t until the summer of 1979 – when I was brought to Fenway Park for the first time, during a Cub Scouts outing, and got to see Carl Yastrzemski hit his 400th homerun – that I became really interested and excited about baseball.

I remember goofing around with my buddies and not really paying attention to the game, when suddenly the atmosphere in Fenway changed after the crack of a bat sent a ball over the Green Monster – and the crowd went crazy. Some of the other Scouts knew exactly what happened, but I was clueless, until someone explained it to me. “Yaz” had just hit his 400th career homerun. “Is that a lot?” I asked.

Yeah, that’s a lot of homeruns.

From that day forward I was hooked. Not so much on the Red Sox, but hooked on baseball – and the history and romance of the game. I collected baseball cards, had sports posters, read baseball stats in the newspaper, kept my ticket stubs for all the games I went to.

Fast forward twenty years, as a young adult, I was still enamored with baseball, and loved the statistics and useless, antidotal facts about players and teams – information that really seemed only helpful during male-bonding moments such as Fantasy Baseball drafts or the sports bar or the office – which for the most part sent any female prospects fleeing in the opposite direction. But we didn’t care – because useless baseball facts are fun and exciting.

Fast forward another 10 years or so – present day – with a head full of useless baseball knowledge, but no longer able to banter about it at the bar or have time to play Fantasy Baseball. So what do I do with all this knowledge?

My oldest son Joseph is 10 years old. He’s been playing baseball for a few years now. We watch the Red Sox, and talk baseball, but mostly about Big Papi and Dustin Pedroia and Kevin Youkilis.

But recently he’s been getting more interested in the historic aspects of Baseball. He’s been asking questions about Babe Ruth, Mickey Mantle, Ted Williams. So I’ve been telling him the classic baseball stories.

• Babe Ruth and the “Curse of the Bambino” with supporting roles for Bucky Dent in ’78, Bill Buckner in ’86, and Aaron Boone in ‘03

• The amazing Willie Mays catch in the 1954 World Series

• The “Shot Heard ‘Round The World”, Bobby Thompson’s walkoff homerun to win the Pennant for the Giant in 1951

• And the greatest homerun of all time – Bill Mazeroski’s walkoff for the Pirates in game 7 of the 1960 World Series

But most of these are “old” stories, almost like fairy tales. Nothing I can claim to have witnessed personally (except Boone in 2003) or even appreciated myself until I was older and fell in love with the game. So what can I share with my son about baseball that belongs to me?

Well – lately he’s been spending more time with my baseball card collection (which he inherited several years ago, but never really looked at). And while I don’t own any Babe Ruth, Mickey Mantle or Ted Williams baseball cards – I do own hundreds of non-hall-of-fame, mediocre baseball player cards.

One day we’re flipping through cards, him showing me cards, asking “Is this anybody?”

I look, “no”.

The next card, “Is this anybody?”

I look, “no”.

And so on.

Then he spots a Mike Cameron card (in a Mets uniform). “Hey, Mike Cameron plays for the Red Sox!” showing me the card. “Is this a good card?”

I look at Cameron’s card, shrug, “Yeah, I guess. Cameron’s okay.” Then I remember something. “Hey, actually, you know something? You know what Mike Cameron is most famous for? Cameron once hit four home runs in a single game.”

“Really?” Joe answers. “For the Red Sox?”

“No, a couple of years ago when he was in Seattle I think.”

We start flipping through more cards, pulling out other players that I happen to know odd, useless statistics or facts about. Here are some of the cards we uncovered, and the useless facts I shared with my son:

Kyle Farnsworth – Journeyman pitcher (and all-around douche bag) who is the only pitcher I’ve ever seen charge a batter. During a stint with the Cubs, Farnsworth gave a batter some chin music, which the hitter didn’t like and gave Farnsworth a few words about it. At which point Farnsworth drops his glove and charges the batters box – dropping the guy with a couple of haymakers. A real class act. (http://youtu.be/9mt0_0k40t4)

Rick Ankiel – High prospect pitcher for St. Louis before he lost his mind and had to figure out how to play another position and hit the ball. Many people don’t remember Ankiel’s short pitching career (I have a 2000 card for him) – and only know him as a power hitting outfielder (hitting 25 homeruns in 2008). But Ankiel started out as a real-life Calvin 'Nuke' LaLoosh – a pitcher with a million dollar arm and a five-cent head. He was able to hit 97 mph with his fastball, and could strike out guys with a filthy breaking ball. But after a successful debut year, he lost his ability to get the ball over the plate, and quickly became more famous for wild pitches that sent sideline mascots and on-deck batters running for cover. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KDZX525CSvw)

Bobby Valentine – Ex-baseball player turned colorful manager. My most memorable Bobby Valentine moment came during a 14-inning game in 1999 in which he was ejected in the 12th inning, only to return to the dugout the next inning – wearing a disguise, a fake moustache and different hat. (https://www.espn.com/mlb/story/_/id/26893821/hey-your-mustache-glasses-bobby-v-20th-anniversary-dugout-disguise)

David Eckstein – Called the “X” factor. During his St. Louis years, Eckstein was a small, pesky leadoff hitter that always seemed to be in the middle of every Cardinal victory. (This was during those Cardinal 2004-2006 years.) Eckstein’s most famous trait was his “on-deck” antics. While waiting in the on-deck circle, Eckstein would be taking ridiculous, over the top, almost spastic-style swings – like some hyperactive kid with a wiffleball bat. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TgFNgzlSlpY)

Vladimir Guerrero – Famous for three things. No batting gloves, pine tar-covered batting helmet (which he uses on his hands to grip the bat), and the unbelievable ability to hit any baseball thrown at him. While guys like Manny Ramirez and Barry Bonds had built in radar for pitches that were in their sweet spot – Vladdy would swing at everything and could put anything over the fence. I once saw Guerrero hit a ball that bounced in the dirt before his bat hit it. The replay also showed that his bat scrapped the ground during the swing. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DoAdY3uP9c0)

Robin Ventura – As a cocky young player back in 1993, Ventura is most famous for smashing his face repeatedly against 46 year-old, Hall-of-Famer Nolan Ryan’s fist. Apparently, Ventura didn’t like getting hit by Ryan’s 100 mph fastball in the ribs, so decided to charge the mound and take pleasure in getting beat senseless by the old Texas pitcher. Guess he never heard the phrase – “you don’t mess with Texas”. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VIZB9O24BEE)

So these are just a few of the useless baseball facts kicking around in my head. These events aren’t historically significant or tales engraved in baseball lore – but these stories belong to me, and are mine to share with my son.

And I know he’s enjoying hearing them. Joe sees Bobby Valentine on ESPN once in a while and shouts to me, “Hey Dad! Bobby Valentine’s on TV and he’s not wearing a disguise!”